Dysfunction Junction: What’s Your Function?

… From Eternity To Here: What A Long, Strange Trip It’s Been

Who Am I? … Writer. Photographer. Truth-seeker. Free spirit. Hippie Chick. Bohemian wanderer. Freak. Geek. Renaissance woman. Late bloomer. Finally growing into my own. Unapologetically child-free. I practice The Golden Rule.
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UPDATE: (5/26/14) I’m rebooting the blog as a healing catharsis to clear out the brain clutter by releasing my thoughts to the page. A major transition is still occurring in my life now, though the Hepatitis C chemo is behind me and I’m currently in remission. Changes are coming to a head — my “Eureka!” moment is nigh. But there are no answers to the questions “who I am?” or “what am I to do with my life?” Clarity still eludes me. To help this birthing process along, I will remain present in the more painful emotions instead of running away from them and spill them onto the page as well. This Red Hot Chili Peppers song comes to mind “Taste The Pain” …

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THE PAST, AKA WHEN THE TRANSITION BEGAN: (June 2011) Welcome to my growing pains as I work out the kinks in my journey through a big life transition. It’s difficult once you’ve decided to quit living a lie and the mental unraveling is enough to drive most people back to the same old, easy, known, dysfunctional existence. But me? I’m done with denial. I’m ready for growth. Good riddance, futility!

I’ve always been an observant and analytical person. I was the kid who drove people crazy with logical questions they couldn’t sufficiently answer. Now I am the adult who won’t buy into an argument using below-the-belt tactics and warped logic. I’ve wanted nothing more than to know the true meaning of life, to know my true gift (or super-power) and to know my place in this world.

Lack of self-acceptance (or dare I say “self-love”?) was most prohibitive in me coming to terms with me. I spent life living a lie in a codependent existence not really knowing who I was. I denied myself out of fear. Now I’m coming into my own. The fallout is definitely painful. Still, I’ve got nothing to lose. Bring it on.

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Why This Blog? Resistance Was Futile.

I’ve resisted jumping on the blog bandwagon for years. It seemed too easy a way to lose oneself in the screaming pay-attention-to-ME quagmire with countless other lost souls. But now it’s time I stop ignoring the truth and plunge into the great wide open transitional phase that’s been nagging at me for years now. I’m feeling the urge to purge — and then merge — or surge!

Why anonymity? To protect the guilty  the innocent. I’m not placing blame. This could be almost anyone’s life in Anytown, USA.

But wait! There’s more…

I’m also currently undergoing non-radiation chemotherapy treatment for the liver disease Hepatitis C Virus (HCV). HCV is not the complete focus of this blog as it does not define me. It is yet another of life’s detours. But the urgency and brutality of treating the disease has magnified the need for self-acceptance and real strength. (As the denial fog lifts, I’m also facing the cold, hard fact that my marriage is beyond repair and that I can’t subsist in such dysfunction simply because it pays the bills. At what cost?)

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Before my recent HCV diagnosis I knew nothing about it. A lot of what I’ve learned in these past few months is within these pages. Also I’m not writing this blog to glean sympathy. Just be kind. It’s sad reading at times, but deep down, no one is more optimistic than me about getting to the other side of these growing pains. I’m feeling the urge to purge — and then merge — or surge!

And please educate yourselves and save a life. Thank you.

Truth is non-judgmental. It just is.

3 responses to “Dysfunction Junction: What’s Your Function?

  1. Well said. Waving my bravo flag. 🙂

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